-WHY ANGER ARISES-LEARN FROM DA FACTS.

• Anger in the family is one of main causes of difficult relationships and troubles of all kinds. It is extremely important to understand why this arises, how it manifests and what to do to stop it. This article explores anger in the family, offering many insights into its origin and suggestions about letting it go.
  
  


• The family is the most common place for anger to erupt. It is also the place where the seeds of anger are sowed. When we live closely with others, when we are bonded to them, attached, dependent or vulnerable these individuals have the power to affect us deeply. In these relationships our expectations and demands greater.
  


• =Images Of The Family-
  


• We have strong images of how parents, siblings or children “should” behave. We feel we have the right to demand love and attention from those in the family. Parents have strong feelings that they have the right to loyalty and obedience, just because of their roles, (no matter how they treat their children). Children often feel the same. There is a common craving for a “happy family”, where everyone loves and cares for each other, and where everyone accepts all of each other’s difficulties. Unfortunately, this craving is often unfulfilled. For the most part the myth of a happy family is often a dream.
  


• Families are often hotbeds of misunderstandings, resentment, sibling rivalry, jealousy, inappropriate expectations and demands and lack of acceptance. In fact, families are really fine places to work through a great deal of issues and learn how to individuate, grow, love and accept both others and ourselves.
  


• Although many of us blame our parents for all that has gone wrong, the fact is that the parent is not the real culprit. It is the smoldering anger that is being held onto that causes the pain. It is the inability to get over disappointment about not having the parent of our dreams. This anger and disappointment can prevent us from growing up and establishing the life that best expresses our values and vision today.
  


• =Identity And The Family-
  


• A major factor that contributes to anger in families is the tendency each member has to identify with the other. Parents feel that children are a reflection of them. Parents also project their worst fears about themselves onto their children, or want their children to make up for errors and disappointments in their own lives. This is a huge mistake, which leads to a great deal of pain. It is interesting to notice how little room there is for differences in most families. Most think that a perfect family is one in which everyone is the same.
  


• =Individuation - (Becoming Who You Are)-
  


• The most vital process that goes on in the family is the process of individuation. This means that as a child grows they are given the opportunity to discover who they are, to be separate and different from those they love. Some experience differences between themselves and family members as separation, or even rejection.
  


• They do not realize that unless family members become who they are, they will not be able to grow and love. Instead, anger develops, deep resentment and pain. The greatest longing most family members have is being known, heard and accepted for who they are. Ultimately, this is experienced as love.
  


• =Unfulfilled Needs In The Family-
  


• After a certain point of maturity family members enter the larger world and become part of other groups. These new groups are often experienced as new families. Needless to say these individuals automatically and unconsciously begin to repeat the same patterns they experienced in the family they came from. If there were many unfulfilled needs in their original family, they try to get these filled now.
  


• If there were many demands made upon them, they expect that to be true once again and begin resisting demands made upon them in their new groups. (Or, they may turn it around and make those demands upon others now).When they enter a romantic relationship, often it becomes a repeat of the relationship they saw between their parents, or a relationship in opposition to it. One way or the other, the original family remains the main reference point.
  


• Conflicts, demands, unfulfilled needs must fundamentally be traced back to its origin in the family and resolved there. Sooner or later we must make peace with our family, as it was and as it wasn’t. Then we become able to create something healing and new.
  


• =Families Of Choice-
  


• When we have come to peace with our family, we are then able to “choose” those individuals and relationships, which we value and want in our lives. Although we cannot choose our original family, we can choose friends in our lives and choose to create a significant relationship that reflects who we are and what we’ve always wanted. We can create a new family now that fulfills our dreams and desires. This does not mean rejecting our original family, but learning from it, still giving to it, but, at the same time, going forward to create our lives as we wish them to be.
  


• Watch stress and sickness melt away on The Anger Diet. Learn how to give up one form of anger a day and replace it with a healthy antidote in award winning book by top psychologist http://www.theangerdiet.com . Dr Shoshanna, speaker, relationship expert, has helped thousands discover the strength, fulfillment and well-being they’re looking for. Subscribe to free ezine at http://www.brendashoshanna.com . Contact - topspeaker@yahoo.com. (212) 288-0028.
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-THE FOUR TYPES OF ANGER

• Anger comes from the Latin word, angere, which means “to strangle.” Anger strangles us on a number of different levels. It is the emotion which is probably the most familiar to the majority of us. A consistent finding in those who have low self-esteem, migraines, ulcers, heart attacks, substance abuse problems, troubled work and interpersonal relationships and frequent job loss is that they are unable to master their anger. Rather than controlling their anger, their anger controls them. While anger is not the sole cause of these problems, the constant appearance of anger in such individuals indicates that it is a prime factor in all of these problems.


• Too much anger is toxic. Anger and hostility result in dis-ease of all types. It is physically arousing and has damaging physiological correlates, such as increased heart rate, more cortisol (a stress hormone) dumped into your system, muscle tension, headaches, decreased mental clarity and clogged arteries.


• Anger signals the fact that something or someone has come between you and a desired goal of yours. It is a call to action. The goal may be as simple as trying to get home during rush hour. Yet, when another driver rudely cuts you off on the freeway, your anger rears its head.


• The emotion anger is frequently confused with the actions you take while angry. This doesn’t happen with fear. You don’t confuse the emotion fear with the act of running away. However, anger is nearly always thought to be negative and destructive, despite the fact that anger itself is merely a feeling. Anger, in and of itself, if not acted upon, is instructive, not destructive. Anger can be a good thing. However, for anger to be positive, you must first learn to manage your emotions. Then you have a choice as to how to respond to anger’s signal.


• =Four Types of Anger-


• To alleviate some of this confusion around anger, allow me to better acquaint you with the various types of anger. There are at least four types of anger of which we know: anger directed at self, anger directed at others, disappointment, and constructive anger.


• 1. Anger at Self :


• -The first type is anger directed inwardly at oneself. The anger sits inside and burns and festers. After enough anger has been turned inward, it eventually leads to inappropriate angry outbursts at undeserving and unsuspecting people. Studies show that most people turn 90% of their anger inwards at themselves. Most of this anger is an attempt to control and contain the frightening emotion of anger. Anger can lead us to rage-filled, uncontrollable behaviors. Rather than feel the anger, honoring the feeling, and releasing it, most of us bottle it up. This stuffed anger is toxic and leads to all sorts of negative health outcomes. It also leads to displaced anger where you get angry with the wrong person, at the wrong time, and to the wrong degree.


• 2. Anger at Other :


• -A second type of anger is directed outward. This type of anger builds upon itself and can frequently lead to rage. This form of outward-directed anger is typically displaced onto the wrong person, at the wrong time and in the wrong manner. Both of the first two types of anger are destructive. Destructive anger includes anger that is directed inward and never released and anger that is inappropriately directed outward at others. Anger directed at others may be inappropriate in terms of its target (Are you directing your anger at the right person?), its intensity (Is the degree of anger in keeping with the offense?), its timing (Is this the best time to make your anger known?), and the manner in which it is communicated (Is this the best way to communicate my anger?).


• 3. Disappointment :


• -The third type of anger exists in tandem with sadness and most closely resembles disappointment. Disappointment usually involves a judgment that has not been met. Judgments cause trouble for everyone. Judgments usually involve an element of moral superiority, as if you know what is best for someone else. Stay away from judgments.


• 4. Constructive Anger :


• -The final type of anger is the type used as a positive motivator to act to remove an obstacle that is preventing you from reaching a goal. This type of anger can be a constructive anger, that is, an anger that is quickly released and prompts you to act in a positive manner to remove the obstacle from your path.


• -Constructive anger actually provides you with a persistent attitude which enables you to push forward to solve a given problem. These four types of anger have been demonstrated via several methods – reports from subjects in scientific studies, physiological evidence, and behavioral data.


• -When increasing your emotional awareness, part of the task is to learn the variety of subtle emotional differences within one family of emotion. The better equipped we are to make subtle differentiations within an emotion, such as anger, the better able you are to share with others the degree of feeling you are currently experiencing. With that in mind, let us turn to the bodily cues that anger provides us.


• Physiological Cues of Anger :


• -In order to stop the cycle of anger, you have to tune in to the early warning signs. So pay attention! When you begin to feel angry, blood flows to your hands and feet, making it easier to strike at your perceived enemy, your heart rate increases, a rush of adrenaline kicks in and your body prepares for forceful action. Anger causes a surge of chemicals (catecholamines) which creates a quick, one-time rush of energy to allow for one brief shot at physical action. Meanwhile, in the background, another batch of chemicals, including cortisol, is released through the adrenocortical branch into the nervous system that creates a backdrop of physical readiness. This emotional undertone lasts much longer than the initial one-time surge and can last for days. This undertone keeps the brain in a special state of overarousal building a foundation on which reactions can occur with great speed.


• -Compassion as the Antidote to Anger If you want to reduce your anger, think of the universe as compassionate and nurturing. As such it is designed to reward compassionate, nurturing behaviors in individuals. Compassion transcends both natural human sympathy and normal Christian concern, enabling one to sense in others a wide range of emotions and then provide a supportive foundation of caring. Compassion occurs when a person is moved by the suffering or distress of another, and by the desire to relieve it. Compassion is empathy, not sympathy. It is the identification with and the understanding of another’s situation, feelings, and motives. This ability to put yourself in the other person’s shoes serves as the perfect antidote to anger in which one perceives an obstruction to one’s goals.


• -The goal is to understand the situation from the perspective of the other person. Often this involves interpreting the situation with a large degree of grace. For example, I am driving 75 miles per hour in the fast lane. A car comes up behind me doing 100 mph. The driver comes inches from my rear bumper in a desperate attempt to get me to move aside. At this point, my former interpretation was “That idiot! What does he think he’s doing? I’m going 75! I’ll show him.” And then I let off the gas to slow down ever so slightly. My current interpretation is “He’s probably trying to get to the emergency room. Perhaps there has been an accident.” And I change lanes and let him by. No anger.


• -You can learn to be less angry and, as a result, more happy. It takes time. It takes practice. It takes awareness. And it’s worth every ounce of effort you put into it.


• By Dr. John Schinnerer Emotion Mining Company, Inc. http://www.EmotionMining.com
  


• About The Author
  Dr. John Schinnerer is Director of Emotion Mining Company, Inc. (http://www.EmotionMining.com), a firm with an unparalleled, patented process for measuring conscious and subconscious emotions for marketing, branding, team building, and to facilitate change initiatives. Dr. John Schinnerer hosted Guide To Self Radio (http://www.GuideToSelf.com), a daily prime time radio show, in the San Francisco Bay Area. Dr. Schinnerer is also President of Infinet Assessment, a psychological testing company (http://www.InfinetAssessment.com).

-THE TRIGGERS OF ANGER

• Triggers are what interrupts emotions and causes us to become angry. When we learn our triggers, we are taking a step in the right direction to control our emotions. First, we need to weed through the roots of anger to determine the problem. If you have obsessive anger, outbursts you might want to get a physical to eliminate chemical or physical roots of your anger.
  


• Next, you will go to a mental health expert to eliminate mental illnesses that are often the root of anger. After you have done step one and two and the problem does not lie between mental illness and physical then you will need to attend anger management classes. Obviously, you have no control over your emotions; therefore, you will need to learn techniques that help you to cope better with your fears, frustrations, anxiety, depression and emotions. This will help you to move ahead in life and gain control of your anger.
  


• You might want to ask your self what you are afraid of or what are the triggers of your anger? You might review the thoughts carefully to see if you anger is justifiable. Are you afraid to speak up and protect your rights? Is there something in your past that leads you to worry obsessively and enforce your anger? Maybe you were a victim of some incident in your past or you witnessed something that disturbed your conscious and you rambled through life without dealing with the stressor.
  


• Regardless, you are affected somehow and your emotions are not cooperating with your thoughts. Some of us fret over things that are out of our control. For example, many of worry about growing old or dying, which is not in our hands to worry about? We all are growing older each day and it is a part of life that is out of our control. Likewise, we are all at risk of dying. It is how you deal with that makes or breaks your success. Accepting that you are growing old is the first step to eliminating worry that leads to anger.
  


• Take the fear and reverse by telling your self that age is a factor of life that we all must face, yet I have some control. If I exercise, eat right, and take care of my skin then I may not look in the mirror when I am sixty and see an extremely wrinkled face and sagging skin. Likewise, if you know that you are dying and cannot do nothing about it, remember the more you take care of your mind and body the longer you will live.
  


• Some of us worry about tomorrow and how we will manage to survive the next day. If you worry about tomorrow, you are missing what today can bring. No one has control of tomorrow and to worry about something that is out of our hands is wasting time and energy. If you have problems with worry, you might want to remember that today is another day and thank the Lord that you are breathing.
  


• Worry is a form of selfishness, since you are anticipating a problem that may or may not occur. Some of us fear that we will go insane if our problems continue to escalate. This fear is not justifiable because you cannot predict your mind. Your mind may feel at wits ends, but you have control to handle your emotions if you reach inside your self and face your fears. Now we can review triggers by seeing that unjust and justifiable triggers are linked to emotions, which causes anger.
  


• We might find that we are responsible for our emotions and failed to take charge of them, allowing them to rule our lives. We might even find a source in the past that invoked our emotions and promoted an undeveloped mind. When you find your triggers and review your problems, you are taking charge of your anger and your life will prove fruitful for your efforts. Triggers are objects, words, pictures, sound, taste, smell and when a person is triggered to anger, they often react either positively or negatively to the source.
  


• About The Author
  Burt Cotton http://www.anger-management-help.org

-RELEASING ANGER

• Many people are joyously singing “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.” I love that song and I totally believe in what it is telling us. I am convinced that when we human beings who inhabit this world experience inner peace, then, and only then will we actualize long lasting world peace.


• I used to feel so powerless when I read the horrible stories in the newspaper. However, then I realized how powerful I am to change the world when I focus on changing myself and helping others to grow also. I became aware of the inner turmoil in myself and others that prevents us from feeling peacefully powerful. I kept exploring what we need to do in order to end our internal wars and experience inner peace.


• As a growing person and a psychotherapist, I have discovered that one important thing we have to learn in order to experience inner peace is how to deal with our own personal anger. This human emotion is often denied, misunderstood, and misused. It is dangerous for us and the world when we don’t constructively express this human emotion. The following is what I have learned about dealing with anger.


• 1. What is anger?


• ---Anger is a normal, healthy human emotion. Whenever you are experiencing anger, you are also feeling fear, hurt, and/or powerlessness. Therefore, when you deal with your anger, you also need to deal with all the underlying emotions.


• 2. Where in your body do you feel anger?


• ---Most people feel anger in the form of tension or pain in their forehead, jaws, cheeks, temples, arms, hands, center of the back of the neck, and the back (especially the shoulder blades and the lower back).


• 3. What are some physical problems or illness that may result from suppressed anger?


• ---Some physical problems that may indicate that anger is present are: headaches; jaw, gum and teeth problems (from grinding the teeth); arthritis in the fingers or hands; back problems; stroke and heart attack (“I am busting a gut”); high blood pressure (“I am boiling”); bursitis in the shoulder (“I want to hit someone”); constipation; and extreme tiredness. (Note: depression is anger turned inwards. When you release your anger in a constructive way, your depression may also be released.)


• 4. Is anger a good (positive) or bad (negative) emotion?


• ---Anger is one of many emotions (feelings). Emotions are not good or bad, positive or negative. They are feelings that have to be expressed. People have the choice of dealing with anger in a positive or negative way (constructively or destructively).


• 5. How do people express anger in a negative way?


• ---Some people act out their anger in what is called Active Aggression. Others act it out in Passive Aggression. And some people alternate between active and passive aggression.


• Active Aggressors may shout, curse, or physically attack a person or a thing. Some examples are: hitting, rape, murder, starting fires, and defacing property.


• Passive Aggressors may quietly withdraw, be late, be sarcastic, procrastinate, forget important dates, verbally attack with a soft voice and a smile, or overeat.


• 6. Does physical activity help release anger?


• ---Physical activity helps relieve some of the angry energy that results from angry feelings, but it does not resolve the anger. Therefore, the angry feelings still present will create more angry energy, and you have to keep running faster or hitting the ball harder in order to keep from exploding.


• 7. Why do most people deny or resist accepting their angry feelings?


• ---Most people block their anger because they are afraid that if they are angry they will:


• -1) hurt someone else or themselves


• -2) be hurt by someone else


• -3) be out of control or crazy


• -4) be wasting their time (“I don’t accomplish anything, so why bother?)


• -5) be bad or not O.K.


• -6) be unladylike


• -7) be rejected


• -8) be like their parent and they hated it when their parent was angry


• -9) be too powerful


• -10) be giving their power to the other person (“The other person will know they won or got to me.”)


• 8. How can I deal with my anger in a positive way?


• ---You can deal with your anger in a constructive way by first acknowledging it. Then by yourself or with someone you trust, angrily yell and hit a soft pillow until your anger is released.


• After that, get in touch with an underlying feeling which may be fear, hurt, or powerlessness. Once you have owned and expressed all your feelings, you are ready to make an affirmation (a positive thought).


• For example:


• -1) If you are angry when “J” comes home late, release your feelings by hitting a soft pillow, as you say “I’m angry at you ‘J’ for being late. I’m angry.” (Continue to yell until you feel relaxed.)


• -2) Then say to yourself, “When you are late, I’m scared that I’m unimportant.”


• -3) Affirmation: "I'm beginning to believe that I'm important."


• -4) If you are feeling calm because you understand all your feelings and have released them, decide if you need or want to talk to the person about the issue of coming late—in person, by letter, or by phone.


• -5. Finally, compliment yourself for dealing with your anger in a healthy, positive, and constructive way. REWARD YOURSELF! YOU DESERVE IT!
  


• About The Author
  Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, MFT, is a Marriage, Family Therapist, intuitive counselor, author, speaker and teacher. The article is excerpted from her new book, “All You Need Is HART! Create Love, Joy, and Abundance-Now!" A unique guide to Holistic And Rapid Transformation. She offers phone sessions, teleclasses, a self-help on-line program, inspirational books, e-books, MP3 audios, tapes, cards, posters, independent studies, and a free newsletter. http://www.lovetopeace.com, 1-888-639-6390.

-CREATING BALANCE WITH YOUR ANGER

• Angry feelings are a part of almost everyone’s life. Sometimes anger plays a small part without any problems. Other times, however, it becomes a large part of our lives. We may become rigid, mistrustful, or filled with rage.


• Anger is a common emotion but it can be difficult to deal with. Quite often we have not been taught how to deal with our anger. We may have been shown how to deal with anger and it is usually shown in appropriate ways. We may have heard that it is not good to be angry.


• We often grow up believing various misconceptions about anger, such as:


• - Nice people do not get angry.


• - We might lose control or go crazy if we share our anger.


• - If someone gets angry with us, we must have done something wrong.


• - People will not love us anymore if we get angry.


• - It’s okay to get angry if we can justify our feelings.


• These misconceptions do not work for us in our day-to-day relationships.


• So, what do we do with our built up anger? Well, we tend to do one of two things with it. Either we hold on to it or we act it out in inappropriate ways. By holding on to our anger, we eventually struggle with depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and /or physical kinds of problems such as headaches or ulcers. If we explode with our anger, we may say or do things we eventually come to regret. Neither of these approaches will work for us.


• First, we need to be aware of a few ideas about anger. We have a right to feel angry. Other people also have a right to feel angry. But we need to deal with our anger in appropriate ways. Dealing with our stored anger may take time and effort. Learning to appropriately express our anger takes patience.


• Here are some ideas on how to deal with anger:


• 1. Allow yourself and others to feel angry.


• 2. Acknowledge your thoughts associated with your anger.


• 3. Look for patterns in which anger usually occurs.


• 4. Identify areas where you need change.


• 5. Practice talking openly and honestly about anger without acting on it.


• 6. Take responsibility for your anger. Other people are not in charge of your feelings.


• 7. Use physical outlets such as playing ball or yard work to release some emotional energy.


• 8. Write a letter to the person with whom you are angry, but do not mail it. This helps to deal with anger without anyone ever knowing.


• As we begin to deal appropriately with our anger, we need to be easy with ourselves. This is especially true if we have been holding onto our anger for a long time. Do not overly focus on anger or look for reasons to become angry. Remember to be patient and to allow some mistakes, because this is how we learn.


• Our anger is okay to express when we need to.
  


• About The Author
  Mark Webb is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™. Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies” Ezine ($100 Value). Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com

-ANGER MANAGEMENT: ASSESSING THE AFTERMATH OF CONFLICT

• It is very important to have the proper approach in order to effectively resolve a conflict. But merely solving the conflict is not enough. It is also very important to recognize what valuable lessons you learned from the situation itself.
  


• Below are 14 questions to help you recognize the source of the argument as well as how to learn from it. Ask yourself the following after your next conflict:
  


• 1. At what point did the conflict get out of control? Was it something that the other person said that offended me? Before the fight, was there tension that already existed between me and that person?
  


• 2. What did I learn from this experience?
  


• 3. What did I learn about sensitivities, both my own and the person that I had the conflict?
  


• 4. During the argument, how well did I respect, understand, listen, and calmly state my point of view?
  


• 5. How did I manage my anger? How bad was I hurt?
  


• 6. How did my adversary manage his anger? In what ways was he hurt?
  


• 7. Did either I or my adversary change our opinions and point of views? Were we able to handle our differences?
  


• 8. Did I make the mistake of finding this conflict valuable for letting off steam?
  


• 9. Did I learn something about myself during the argument?
  


• 10. Was I able to identify my conflict style? Do I tend to avoid conflict? Am I inclined to compromise? Do I tend to be a competitor?
  


• 11. Was I able to recognize my strategy (how I deal with conflict), and my “weapons” (my methods in which to attack, criticize, argue with my adversary).
  


• 12. What do I hope for my adversary to do differently next time to avoid experiencing another conflict?
  


• 13. What do I want and expect to do differently next time to avoid experiencing another conflict?
  


• 14. Was I able to come up with a creative solution to the very core issue of the conflict?
  


• These 14 questions will give you the encouragement to further understand yourself. In addition, by being honest with yourself these questions can help you change your behavior when it comes to dealing with conflict in the future.
  


• Human relations fail because people do not know how to handle differences. The greatest reward in assessing the aftermath of the conflict is that it improves and deepens relationships between two people.
  


• About The Author
  John Edmond has a website at www.oneclickbooks.com where he writes on all aspects of self improvement and motivation. John is 50 years old has 4 grown up children and has a degree in Creative Writing. He lives in Manchester in the UK.

-ANGER AND RESENTMENT

• Anger and resentments can blemish even the best of memories. All of us have wonderful childhood memories: afternoons on the garden swing spent eating fresh apple pie; Saturday morning cartoons while we ate our favorite cereal; and evenings getting tucked into bed, with wishes of sweet dreams. Not all of us, however, possess such memories: there are the bouts of anger, fights between our parents, even beatings. No wonderful childhood memories can ever make a child forget a stormy childhood; such a childhood may even lead to resentments later on in life.


• Resentments can stem from anywhere: they can start in childhood, continue into the peer pressure of adolescence, and persist well into adulthood when we are old enough to bear long, deep-seated grudges. Although resentment is a fact of life, it is not necessarily the best way to live life. Resentment can eat away at our energy, making us feel lethargic and unable to perform simple tasks. Resentment can also affect our social lives: we may find it more difficult to form friendships or romantic relationships if our emotions have been stunted by an ill-formed childhood, or traumatic adolescence.


• You can deal with resentment, however, by following these ten simple tips. Before plunging into these activities, you must remember that these are not the only ways to deal with resentment. As you go along the road of spiritual and emotional growth, you may find your own ways of dealing with resentment, and of coping with what is holding you back from progress. Use these new techniques to help others deal with their resentments, and soon, you will find yourself healing.


• 1. Have a spiritual life. Although this may seem to be an abstract concept, having a spiritual life can actually make you more introspective, and can allow you to examine yourself, and know yourself better. A spiritual life need not necessarily involve your joining a religious group. It can involve you enrolling in yoga classes, or exploring meditation. Find ways to understand yourself from within, and you will soon know where your resentments come from.


• 2. Write a gratitude journal. Take any ordinary notebook, decorate it according to your tastes and whims, and make a commitment to devote its pages only to showing your gratitude for what you receive. Every day, at the same time, make it a habit to write down five things that you are thankful for receiving. The things can be as simple as a morning greeting from your best friend whom you have not spoken to in years, or as big as a promise of a raise from your boss. A gratitude journal can help you see the brighter side of life. By concentrating on what you should be thankful for, you are also forcing yourself to see beyond the debilitating effects of resentments. You can begin to heal by knowing that there is more to life than hurt and pain.


• 3. Don't be afraid to seek support. Join a support group, and talk about your resentments. Talking about your problems can help you understand where your resentment is coming from, and can allow others to give you advice. By feeling a sense of brotherhood (or sisterhood) with others, you can also feel less alone in your problems, and better about yourself.


• 4. Listen! A common human weakness is the inability to listen, and a support group should teach you to not only talk about what you feel, but listen to how others feel as well. If you listen to others, you might find inspiration in their stories; you might also find that your problems are not as great compared with theirs, and thus be more thankful for what you have.


• 5. Confront the person. If the person whom you resent, or who has bred resentment in you, is still alive, find a way to contact the person. Make peace as soon as you can. If you can extract an apology, then be thankful; if the person is persistent, then walk away. The most important thing is that you were able to meet your resentment head on.


• 6. Learn to forgive, even if it has to go slowly. Forgiveness is the key to making peace with yourself and ultimately dealing with resentments. If you learn to forgive, you can also learn to let go of anger and control your temper. Forgiveness can go a long way.


• 7. Don't take the anger out on others. You might have children or wards, or even close friends, who are unknowingly becoming the receiving end of your anger. Resentment breeds anger and emotional blindness, so you must be more aware of your emotions and how you express them.


• 8. Engage in as many hobbies as you can. The less time you spend moping and concentrating on your resentments, the easier it will be for you to heal. Talk to people who have no resentments. Such people are pleasant, and seem to be at peace. They should be your inspiration. Aspire to be as resentment-free as possible, and hang out with such people to know how to let go of your inner demons.


• 10. Stay away from anything addictive. You might find refuge in drugs, alcohol, or food. Control your urges! There is so much more to life than vice!


• Your Goal? To start utilizing these anger management and tips for dealing with resentments. Once you start to apply even one of these tips, your life can be so much more relaxed and serene. Anger and resentments should be dealt with promptly for peace of mind.
  


• About The Author
  Bill Urell Pick up your Free Recovery Rolodex, Over 97 pages of self help and recovery tips, resources and links to enhance your life in addiction recovery. Bill Urell MA.CAAP-II, is an addictions therapist at a leading drug and alcohol treatment center. Visit our growing community at: http://www.AddictionRecoveryBasics.com/

-ANGER MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUES

Gain Control Of Your Anger Now With These Steps:

• 1. Breathe deep and long breaths. Be sure to open your belly and breathe deep into your abdomen. You may not know it, but when you're angry you're panicking. This will help you to calm down.


• 2. Walk outside and look at the sky while you're doing your deep breathing. This will help you to put things in perspective, and it can have a soothing effect.


• 3. Do some stretches. When you're angry your body gets tense and rigid. The stretching will open up some of the tight areas of your body and get more oxygen flowing to your brain and help you clear your thoughts.


• 4. Get some paper and start writing. Write about how mad you are and why. Don't be nice, reasonable or rational. The point is to get your anger out on the paper, to purge it from your mind. Keep writing until you feel some relief or release, and don't stop until you do. For more help with this type of exercise, check out this book.


• 5. Write about what you have to be grateful for, what you appreciate about your life, your self and (if you can) the person you are mad at. For help with this, check out Dr. DeFoore's newsletter GOODFINDING, or his GOODFINDING CD.


• 6. Imagine that you are at the funeral of the person you are mad at. What would you say. What would you miss about that person if they were gone?


• 7. If you know how, pray. Pray for God to guide you through this dark time. Pray for the grace to see the beauty and vulnerability in the person you are mad at. Pray for the wisdom to see beyond the view of the person or situation that makes you so angry.


• 8. Imagine that you are the person you are mad at. Put yourself in their shoes. Look at the situation from their viewpoint. How do you look to them? Is that how you want to look? Decide who and how you want to be and act as if you were that already.


• 9. Remember a time in your childhood when you were afraid, hurt or angry. In your imagination, embrace that child, saying "It's okay. I'm here. You didn't do anything wrong. You're a good kid. I love you just like you are. I'm not going to leave you." Then take the child (your child self) out of the situation to a safe place where s/he can relax, heal or even play. Learn about the Nurturing Your Inner Child CD or download.


• 10. Think about your values. What is the most important thing in the world to you. Who are the most important people in the world to you? What kind of person do you want to be? How do you want to be remembered? Decide that you are that person and you are living by your values, and act as if it were so. This is the fastest way to change your emotions, and it puts you in touch with your true nature, the way you were designed to be. Remember, inside, you are a good person who wants to help. Think, act and make decisions from that good person that you are, and you can't go wrong!
  


• About The Author
  William G. DeFoore, Ph.D. is a counselor, speaker, coach, and author. He speaks and conducts workshops internationally on anger management and emotional intelligence in personal and business relationships, and has been with the Cooper Aerobics Center for fifteen years. Get free information, watch videos and purchase books, CDs and downloads at http://www.defoore.com .

-THE BEST WAYS TO DEAL WITH ANGER

• Anger is an emotion that you feel when something irritates you. It can be just a small annoyance or full blown out rage. Your perception of anger was learned, in the form of beliefs and values that were instilled in you. Usually, in the early stages of your emotional development. When any of your beliefs or values are questioned or transgressed, you may feel anger. The degree of intensity depends on your state of mind at the particular time of the incident.
• Your feelings of anger are either expressed, as in the form of arguing or physically lashing out, or suppressed. Suppressed anger causes negative emotions to dominate, which can lead to depression. It can also express itself as a physical ailment such as high blood pressure.
• Expressing anger is said to be your better alternative. Although it may bring you some relief, it also has its downside. It may compound the problem and it can also affect you physically. One of the physical side effects is that it lowers your immune system. What would be one of the best ways to deal with anger?
• Release. The first thing you need to do is to recognize and admit that you are angry. Never pretend you are not angry when you know you are. It is widely accepted that people who always want to be in control seem to suffer mostly from outbursts of anger. When you are angry, you will notice that you stop breathing periodically. You may tend to hold your breath, so keep breathing with intervals of deep breathing. Then, recognize the problem for what it is, and not for what you think it is. After all, you are dealing with somebody else’s beliefs and value system. Just tell yourself, they also have a right to express their opinions.
• When you do get angry, much of the blood in your brain flows to the back of your head. It goes to the primitive part of the brain were it automatically prepares you for fight or flight. The frontal lobes of the brain (in the forehead are) are associated with thought, pleasure, creativeness, and calmness.
• Simply put two fingers on one side of your forehead and your thumb on the other side, and just gently hold them there while breathing without any pauses. The blood will flow back to your frontal lobes, bringing about some calmness. When you feel relaxed and the issue or issues don’t not bother you anymore, release your finger and thumb from your forehead. And of course you can also apply this technique to someone else, and it is especially effective with infants.
• If you require further information, or want to learn more about EMT (emotional mindeze therapy), visit http://www.mindeze.com.
  
• About The Author
  Richard Link is the founder and director of http://www.Mindeze.com. He holds degrees in Science and Physiology. For more information on ways to deal with anger please visit our site.

-DEALING WITH ANGER MANAGEMENT

• We all experienced those moments in which we feel completely out of control with frustrations. Perhaps you’ve thrown something across the room, screamed at someone uncontrollably or put your fist through a wall. Having this kind of experienced, most people react rationality out of their emotion. Unfortunately, the majority of people will lash out without thinking and then realize what they should have done after the fact and the damage isn’t exactly easy to take back. Through this, without even realizing that we hurt the feelings of others during those stressful moments and perhaps even cause some damage to ourselves or our property.
• An emotional state that may range in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage. Anger has physical effects including raising the heart rate and blood pressure and the levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. It inspires powerful and often aggressive feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and defend ourselves when we are attacked. hen anger gets out of control and turns destructive it can lead to problems at work, in personal relationships, and affect the overall quality of life. People with anger management issues get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person, and the notion that “letting it all out” helps is false, because it actually escalates anger and aggression, which doesn’t resolve anything.
• The term, “anger management”, commonly refers to therapeutic techniques and exercises practiced by someone with excessive or uncontrollable anger to control or reduce triggers. The goal of anger management is learning how to control anger before it controls the individual, both emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes according to the American Psychological Association and various reliable online resources. The most common techniques recommended immediately before escalation of emotions is to stop talking, stop staring, and leave the room. Learning relaxation techniques like deep breathing and meditation will also help, in addition to stress management skills, learning empathy and forgiveness, and becoming optimistic instead of pessimistic. Chronic mismanagement of anger can lead to serious physical and mental disorders, and if the individual is not proactive, whether by voluntary or involuntary means, the outcome could be disastrous.
• We need to understand anger management. Even though, some people don't need to go to the anger management classes that your communities offer, but others may have that need. There are people who can control their anger and deal with it in healthy ways. They have somehow learned that their emotions can be controlled and that they need to react only after they have thought the situation through. They still have the same physical reactions that are natural to every human being – the quickened heartbeats, raise in blood pressure and the levels of adrenaline. That’s what your body does instinctively when you get angry. The important concept of anger management is the physical reaction that your body doing.
• Of course, our bodies and minds react in an aggressive manner. We want to whip out and defend ourselves. Even the meekest of individuals will experience that feeling. In fact, isn't bad thing to react in that manner in that some kind of situation. But, most scenarios don’t need such a harsh outburst. We all know that we can’t get rid of the people who annoy us or the scenarios in this world that will test our patience beyond its limits, but we can change how we react.
• If you are attending classes, or reading books and listening to lectures, this can be helpful and life altering that can convey to you. You’ll learn relaxation techniques and how to calm yourself down in certain situations. And also you will learn ion techniques and how to calm yourself down in certain situations. You’ll learn how the language and words that you use in aggravating scenarios can be unwise choices and incredibly harmful. Once you can learn some relaxation or calming techniques, you’ll be better able to solve problems much more rationally than you may have previously. You may also find that you’re learning to communicate with others as well. Suddenly, learning some of these anger management solutions in which you can convey your anger in healthy ways will have you seeing the world a bit differently.
• If you find that you struggle with anger management, admitting that you may need to find some healthier ways of dealing with life and its stresses could be a great way to start to enjoy your life more. In fact, every single person could benefit greatly from learning some forms of anger management. You just may be surprised at the person you turn into.
• Limits are placed on how far anger can take an individual, by laws, social norms, and hopefully common sense. People just can’t physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys them; they need to focus on something positive instead of losing control and dramatizing every life event. Fortunately for these people, there are many reliable self-help resources available online for people with anger issues, including online anger management counseling and education.
  
• About The Author
  Crizza Reyes To learn more on anger management and how to control it, please visit our web site http://www.tomnicoli.com/emotional-freedom-series.shtml

-TEACHING ANGER MANAGEMENT AND EMOTIONAL CONTROL

• These days, anger management is a hot topic among educators. More and more, we see angry students committing acts of violence against classmates. Educating the public on the topic of anger management is the best way to help children manage their anger in an appropriate way.
• What is anger?
• -----Angry feelings are normal emotional reactions to daily stresses in our lives that range from irritated to enraged. It’s natural for children to experience emotions of anger but it’s critical to teach them proper coping mechanisms so that they do not express these feelings in an uncontrollable manner.
• The goal as a parent is not to completely stop the angry emotion since they are hardwired into our brain. The goal is to teach the children to develop self-control and make appropriate choices regarding how to handle these feelings.
• Strategies for teach children to handling anger appropriately
• 1. Lead by example – Research shows that children model their parents so if the parent blows up in fits of rage in front of a child. The child will learn to use anger as a coping mechanism for their situations in their lives.
• 2. Teach empathy and tolerance – Empathy is the ability to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. Children that understand the feelings of others deal better with disagreements with other children.
• 3. Remain calm – Yelling at angry children to control themselves will only increase the intensity of the outburst. Remaining calm yourself will assist the child caught by the anger bee.
• 4. Use positive self-talk – Teach children to stay in control by saying affirmations. Affirmations are simple positive messages that the child can say to themselves in stressful situations. For example, here’s a few that a child could learn: “Stop and calm down”, “Take a deep breath”, “Stay in control”, or “I can handle this”. Suggest a few to your child and practice it with them. The more you practice it with them the more likely they will use it during an anger driven situation.
• 5. Teach them deep breathing – During an angry episode, our breathing changes to quick short breathes. This breathing causes a cascade of physiological changes in our body that creates anger. By learning to controlled, deep breathing, children can short circuit the angry response. Teach your child to inhale to a 5 counts, then hold for a 2 counts, and exhale for a 5 counts. For young kids, I call this breathing exercise “Dragon’s breath”. Have them pretend that they are breathing out fire with the exhale and that the fire is the anger leaving the body.
• 6. Identify anger triggers – Most children respond to specific triggers that cause anger. Ask your child “What situations make you angry?” The answer will vary from frustrations over homework to bullying at school. Then, talk about solutions that are more appropriate to the problem situation. You can even rehearse the scenario by role-playing.
• 7. Watch for the warning signs – When anger starts to arise, they will show signs. Tell your child that it’s important to listen to the warning signs. Ask your child what the specific warning signs that show that they are getting upset. Some examples of signs could be talking louder, heart pounding, face getting red, clenching fists, or breathing faster. Once you identify the signs, start pointing them out when they show signs of getting upset. For example, “I see your breathing fast” “Looks like you are getting anger” “You’re clenching your fist. Are you getting upset.” This self-awareness will snap the child back into reality and help them manage the anger early – before it’s out of control.
• The secret to successful anger management is to intervene early. Most children use anger because it is their only coping mechanism for daily stress. By identifying problem situations and providing them new techniques for coping, you will keep the anger bee from grabbing hold of your child.
  
• About The Author
  Tim Rosanelli is a 5th degree Black Belt in Shotokan Karate and owns Maximum Impact Karate located in Dublin, Pennsylvania. For more information about Maximum Impact Karate visit their website at www.maximpactkarate.com Or… Read more of Tim Rosanelli's articles at www.timrosanelli.blogspot.com

-NEED OF ANGER MANAGEMENT

• Anger management is not just for crazed maniacs or disgruntled executives. Learning how to manage minor and major irritations is something everyone needs to do. You may want to start by obtaining general anger management information and progress to enrolling in an anger management class. But first you need to recognize classic symptoms of uncontrolled rage that will alert you to the need for anger management.
  
• Everyone loses their temper at times. There is no shame attached to getting upset when the dog has an accident on a freshly scrubbed carpet or a subordinate fails to complete a needed report for your one p.m. meeting. But if you find that you react in extreme ways, it may be time to consider anger management.
  
• Anger Management - When Anger Turns to Danger
  Do you raise your voice when things don’t go your way? Some people who are normally mild-mannered turn into yellers or screamers during a conflict. It can happen suddenly, where one moment you are self-controlled and soft-spoken, but the next finds your voice several octaves higher and many decibels louder. Your vocal tone and pitch, along with the words that come out of your mouth provide key indicators of whether you are a prime candidate for anger management.
  
• Another symptom category to keep in mind when monitoring your mood is body language. Your fists may clench, your jaws tighten, and your muscles become tense as your ire begins to build. The next time this happens at home, head for the nearest mirror and study your profile. You may see things like bulging eyes, a frowning face, and a frozen posture. Conversely, serpent-like eyes and a frozen expression, coupled with a pale complexion, may suggest the need for anger management assistance.
  
• Looking beyond the physical, it is also a good idea to seek others’ opinions about whether your temperament might benefit from anger management training. Some may suggest anger management exercises you can do on your own at home, perhaps while engaged in meditation. Others might advocate anger management counseling with a licensed, professional therapist, or anger management classes that you can work into your schedule.
  
• You also may want to consider the consequences of any potential anger management problems you might have. For example, have you ever been written up at work for a problem stemming from your failure to practice anger management? Has your anger impacted a serious relationship in a negative way, whether it is with a spouse, child, parent, sibling, friend, or romantic interest? Has a family member or friend suggested that you need the help of anger management?
  
• Anger is a healthy emotion that enables us to express dissatisfaction or disappointment with something in our lives. But when it becomes out of control, this personal irritation needs to be trained to remain behind wholesome boundaries. If you have questions about anger management control, visit anger-management-information.com for help in diagnosing any potential anger management situations for which you may need help or support.
  
• About The Author
  Steve Hill discusses anger management at:
  http://www.anger-management-information.com/
  http://www.anger-management-information.com/blog
  Steve also has a website at http://www.stammering-stuttering.co.uk/
  info@stammering-stuttering.co.uk